


Lean in

by AmTheDreamer



Series: Firsts [2]
Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:20:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24212770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmTheDreamer/pseuds/AmTheDreamer
Summary: Sometimes, Donna still finds herself taking a step back when he takes a step forward, and not in a metaphorical way. She is still not used to it, and sometimes she finds that she takes a step back so their hands won't brush against each other at the office, so she would not smell his cologne, so she would not be tempted. She usually remembers as she takes said step that it is not necessary anymore. That she can be tempted. That she can just kiss him then and there.
Relationships: Donna Paulsen/Harvey Specter
Series: Firsts [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1747618
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Lean in

Sometimes, Donna still finds herself taking a step back when he takes a step forward, and not in a metaphorical way. She is still not used to it, and sometimes she finds that she takes a step back so their hands won't brush against each other at the office, so she would not smell his cologne, so she would not be tempted. She usually remembers as she takes said step that it is not necessary anymore. That she can be tempted. That she can just kiss him then and there.

Most of the time Harvey does not notice, and she lets herself think that, like her, he is so used to what they had before, that it just does not strike him as weird. But from time to time she sees his smile twitch, and she is afraid she hurts him. So, she starts thinking more about every one of her steps, until it drives her nuts.

One morning, they’re both in his office, discussing some shit Faye just pulled. There is nothing special about it, and they both sit comfortably on his couch. It is late, and they ordered Thai food, and it is comfortable, but she wants them to be done and go home. Harvey leans in at some point, to grab the container of hot sauce, and she leans back, mentally slapping herself when she realizes what she just did. And then she notices his face.

This time he did notice, and his eyes darken with wonder and hurt. She knows he tries so hard to be understanding and talk about his feelings more when it comes to their relationship, so she is not surprised when he puts the takeout box on the table and looks at her.

“What’s wrong?” he asks softly, and his eyes say a million things at once. She wants to cry, to tell him the problem is her, that he is sweet and considerate and she loves him so much. But with so many things to say, all she manages is a shake of her head as tears well in her eyes.

“Hey,” he says, barely above a whisper, and scoots closer to her. His fingers slowly touch her forearm, and he pulls her closer into a side-embrace. “Tell me what’s going on Donna”.

She leans her head on his shoulder, melting into him. “It’s stupid,” she says quietly.

He waits, says nothing. They know how to work with each other, know when to push and when to drop, until the other side reveals what on their mind. She loves him for how well he knows her, appreciates how hard he tries.

“It’s not that anything is wrong, she stumbles, and her fingers find his fingers, absentmindedly. Their hands intertwine, and he presses just a tiny bit, to let her know he is listening, he is still there.

‘I spent so long trying to stay professional,” she says. She sits upright, turns around, and looks at him. Her eyes are fierce with emotion and intent and she wants to tell him without words how much she really loves him.

“I would take a step back, lean backward, move out of the way. I would do my best to not brush against you, to not smell your cologne, to not be so close. Because at some point it became so hard, you know?”

He nods, and she thinks that he really understands. She knows that even though he was not really aware of his own feelings, he probably did it without even thinking about it, just as much as she did.

“It became a force of habit,” she admits, and the tears threaten to come back at that. “I stopped noticing myself doing it. Whenever you took a step forward, I would take the smallest step back, just to maintain the distance. And now,” she motions to the space between them, “that this space feels like too much space, and that I want to crush our lips together and taste and smell and feel, m body still does it”.

She takes a deep breath. “I want to close the space and yet I still take the step back. And then I only realize it happened after the fact, and I can’t make it stop”.

She looks at him through pools of tears and he smiles his soft smile, one that she realized he had after they started dating. He looks relieved, for some reason she does not understand, and it makes her relax. His fingers travel to her face, softly wiping the tears from her eyes, and she finds herself leaning into the touch.

“What?” she asks when he opens his mouth but does not say anything.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispers, and moves a stray strand of hair from her face, sliding it behind her ear and lingering just a second longer. “And I love you”.

She breathes out, saying “I love you too” in a shaky voice.

“I think you need to stop thinking about it,” he says softly. “Habits form slowly. It can take days and weeks, but hey form eventually. And now that I know that you’re okay, we’ll work on it together until it’s out of your system”.

She nods at this, smiling at him. “You always make things better,” she says, and before he can answer, she kisses him.

Many hours later, when she is already in her pajamas, curled on the couch, he emerges from the shower with dripping wet hair and nothing but a towel around his waist. She can’t help but stare as he runs his hand through his hair slowly, and has to laugh when he looks with horror at the pool of water it creates on the floor.

She gets up and raises her hands to fix his hair. It is a task she has done so many times before that it feels so natural. She shakes the water out of it, pulling and brushing fingers until every strand is right where she wants it to be. And when he leans in just a bit, she finds herself, again, leaning back.

He raises one eyebrow, but he is not mad. He smiles at her softly until she leans back in, returning to the same position she was in seconds earlier. She lets him close the distance between them and crush his lips into hers, and she hums into the kiss.

 _God,_ she loves him so much.


End file.
